it all started for me when I was eight months pregnant with our first child and he told me that he didn't want the baby and that he'd regretted choosing me as the mother of his child. What?! How could that be? He was my love. My husband. My best friend. I trusted him with my heart, body and soul. He kicked me out of our bedroom and I had to sleep in the guest room downstairs alone. I had no family to turn to. I remember feeling so guilty like I'd done something terribly wrong to him for him to be so mad at me since he was my love whom I trusted with my life....yeah, right!!! Til this day, I do believe that one was the worse but they've all been so brutal.
Looking back, that was 13 years ago. From then until about a year ago it's been a viscous circle of screams, tears, fear, anxiety, depression, verbal assault and manipulation, and physical abuse. He said he loved me and I believed him because I loved him too and just that "fact" allowed me to justify his every act of abuse. I justified it ALL: he's tired; he's sick; he's drunk; he's upset about work; he's worried about his mom being ill; he's mad because his team lost; he's bored; he's tormented by his childhood, etc. Every excuse was a good excuse and the abuse continued and I allowed it to because I loved him.
He didn't deserve my love.
He was mean, pathetic, controlling, self-centered, egotistical and manipulative and after a long and painful heart to heart with myself I realized that there were no excuses good enough to justify the abuse I'd been subjected to.
I felt betrayed.
I felt used.
I got really mad and finally got that backbone in place and stood up to him and read him a piece of my mind that I'd always been too scared to do....shaking in my boots but I did it!!
He denied it and said I was crazy.
Crazy enough to leave with the kids (we have 2) and never come back?
He ended up being the one shaking in his boots and I ended up being the one who left.
Never underestimate yourself and your capability of claiming justice for yourself once and for all. That's right, YOU become the judge now and you find HIM guilty. ...why? Because he IS and you are beautiful!
My heart goes out to all of you who are suffering.
Stay strong.
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Thank you for this article.
it all started for me when I was eight months pregnant with our first child and he told me that he didn't want the baby and that he'd regretted choosing me as the mother of his child. What?! How could that be? He was my love. My husband. My best friend. I trusted him with my heart, body and soul. He kicked me out of our bedroom and I had to sleep in the guest room downstairs alone. I had no family to turn to. I remember feeling so guilty like I'd done something terribly wrong to him for him to be so mad at me since he was my love whom I trusted with my life....yeah, right!!! Til this day, I do believe that one was the worse but they've all been so brutal.
Looking back, that was 13 years ago. From then until about a year ago it's been a viscous circle of screams, tears, fear, anxiety, depression, verbal assault and manipulation, and physical abuse. He said he loved me and I believed him because I loved him too and just that "fact" allowed me to justify his every act of abuse. I justified it ALL: he's tired; he's sick; he's drunk; he's upset about work; he's worried about his mom being ill; he's mad because his team lost; he's bored; he's tormented by his childhood, etc. Every excuse was a good excuse and the abuse continued and I allowed it to because I loved him.
He didn't deserve my love.
He was mean, pathetic, controlling, self-centered, egotistical and manipulative and after a long and painful heart to heart with myself I realized that there were no excuses good enough to justify the abuse I'd been subjected to.
I felt betrayed.
I felt used.
I got really mad and finally got that backbone in place and stood up to him and read him a piece of my mind that I'd always been too scared to do....shaking in my boots but I did it!!
He denied it and said I was crazy.
Crazy enough to leave with the kids (we have 2) and never come back?
He ended up being the one shaking in his boots and I ended up being the one who left.
Never underestimate yourself and your capability of claiming justice for yourself once and for all. That's right, YOU become the judge now and you find HIM guilty. ...why? Because he IS and you are beautiful!
My heart goes out to all of you who are suffering.
May 17, 2015 - 1:39amStay strong.
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