Reading your post really helps to at least know I'm not alone!!!! My husband and I have been together 4 years now and married for a year and 1/2. First off my husband has many good qualities many of which are reasons I love him. I have 2 children 16yr (boy) and 10yr (girl) prior to us marring and having our own 5month old (girl) He does make time for family stuff and is a great new daddy. He is funny and fun to be around that is when his OCPD/OCD is controlling us all and making everyone miserable...
It seems it worst some times than others. He is just angry and constantly complaining about everyone he is closest to us, co-workers the worst is he is a bit of a hypocrite saying who this person is a control freak etc. And it's always worse when you add ANY everyday stress into the factor. Lately it's been unbearable... To the point I question why I stay!!!! And what is better for the kids to stay or leave!?!?! His words are really harsh even abusive. They older kids and I do NOTHING right!!!! We are call "sorry, trifling etc." I hear more of the name calling than the kids he will tell me how trifling or sorry they are. But he talks to them using better words just a lot of anger. He makes list all the time everything has to happen just so. It's like living on a military base 24/7.
My kids are not allowed to sit on their beds when they come home from school unless they have showers and clean cloths on. he has designated places they are allowed to sit like in the kitchen in chairs that can be wiped out, the couch ONLY also where company will sit when they come over which is almost never. I can count on 2 hands the visitors we have had in our 2 years of living here. He wasn't always this bad, he moved in with me and my kids for a year and while he was funny he never was really even close to how things are now. We moved to his home a family home 2 years ago. Just yesterday I got out of his truck and let the seat belt go and it twisted. When he got in he started fussing at me. Now i usually pay attention to this because he gets so mad about it, But yesterday I was in a hurry and simple forgot to double check that. His remarks were "How can I train the kids if I can't train you!!!! if I have sex with you, it will be because I want to have an orgasm. If I cuddle with you, it's because I want to feel a warm body next to me!" He hurts/punishes me with words because he knows it bothers me.
No our kids were NOT around of course he would not talk that way in front of them.
I have in our relationship been the one to bend and give and adapt to keep him happy. BUT it is NEVER enough if I get one thing like he wants I get 10 other things wrong. If I clean the house while he is outside working in the yard which is his obsession he will come in and never complain, but if he is in the house I can't even wipe the counters off right, pull the paper towels off right, cut the sink off right. He corrects my every move he constantly criticizes me. Yet I feel like I'm the only one trying to keep the peace and make things work. Both of my older children are honor roll students without being pushed to be.. yet he punishes them for little stuff ALL the time. If they lean on a wall or get crumbs in the KITCHEN floor while eating. INSIDE the house we are miserable. Yet the next day he will be throwing ball with the kids and he doesn't miss a football or softball game of theirs. If there is a chance your pants touch the ground you have to roll your pants up before entering the house. You can't touch the counter with your "dirt clothes" when you wash your hands. Or... you get yelled at and the MOM has to wipe everything down.
He tells me what he wants done in the house. My daughter cant even take her book bag to her room she has to leave it in the mudroom as you walk in our back door. My 16year old son can not fix his own drink because my husband believes he will go into the refrigerator without washing his hands... I am responsible for almost everything in the house from chores to fixing the children's drink. At night the kids will walk into the kitchen to ask a question and he jumps them telling them your mom is busy don't come in here worrying her with a million questions. I feel so bad for them because much like me they have developed a LOVE/HATE feeling for him. They can't even talk at the dinner table "to much" which is when he says be quite. I just don't know what to do.... Some structure is great for the kids, and I hate the thought of being a single mom of now 3 kids. But at the same time I find myself walking into the other room as he is telling me what I'm "doing wrong and how sorry I am" and whispering I just want out!!! When I defend myself or the kids I'm "disrespecting him" or "running my mouth" as he puts it. And then when I find myself feeling strong and ready to make a move without even telling him I want out, it seems like all of a sudden we have a great week or 2 with just a few hiccups. And during them moments life is WONDERFUL... And my husband not so bad, he is actually everything I could ask for!!!!
I've mentioned in a heated argument leaving and he acts at that moment like he doesn't care. I can always tell when I get the best of him or have made him question himself because he completely withdraws himself for the conversation. He'll even tell me to shut up he isn't talking to me anymore... I think what frustrates me most is his ability to hid it from the rest of the world... His parents know of course and his mom especially is always trying to convince him to seek some help. But that tends to make him mad with me especially if he thinks I told her of a situation or bad moment we had. He says I'm bad mouthing him. When things are good he is always reminding the kids and me"See if y'all just do the little things I ask you to do, we all would get along better" but if we get something actually done how he likes there seems to always be something else we get wrong. My husband knows he has issues because he will admit to OCD tendencies but never in a negative way it's more like " I know I'm OCD but I'd rather be that than as trifling as you 3 are any day!" Did I mention you can EAT off my floors! I'm soooooo lost any advice!?!?! I do love all of my husband's amazing qualities but his one flaw is the worst I believe he could have OCPD/OCD.
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Reading your post really helps to at least know I'm not alone!!!! My husband and I have been together 4 years now and married for a year and 1/2. First off my husband has many good qualities many of which are reasons I love him. I have 2 children 16yr (boy) and 10yr (girl) prior to us marring and having our own 5month old (girl) He does make time for family stuff and is a great new daddy. He is funny and fun to be around that is when his OCPD/OCD is controlling us all and making everyone miserable...
It seems it worst some times than others. He is just angry and constantly complaining about everyone he is closest to us, co-workers the worst is he is a bit of a hypocrite saying who this person is a control freak etc. And it's always worse when you add ANY everyday stress into the factor. Lately it's been unbearable... To the point I question why I stay!!!! And what is better for the kids to stay or leave!?!?! His words are really harsh even abusive. They older kids and I do NOTHING right!!!! We are call "sorry, trifling etc." I hear more of the name calling than the kids he will tell me how trifling or sorry they are. But he talks to them using better words just a lot of anger. He makes list all the time everything has to happen just so. It's like living on a military base 24/7.
My kids are not allowed to sit on their beds when they come home from school unless they have showers and clean cloths on. he has designated places they are allowed to sit like in the kitchen in chairs that can be wiped out, the couch ONLY also where company will sit when they come over which is almost never. I can count on 2 hands the visitors we have had in our 2 years of living here. He wasn't always this bad, he moved in with me and my kids for a year and while he was funny he never was really even close to how things are now. We moved to his home a family home 2 years ago. Just yesterday I got out of his truck and let the seat belt go and it twisted. When he got in he started fussing at me. Now i usually pay attention to this because he gets so mad about it, But yesterday I was in a hurry and simple forgot to double check that. His remarks were "How can I train the kids if I can't train you!!!! if I have sex with you, it will be because I want to have an orgasm. If I cuddle with you, it's because I want to feel a warm body next to me!" He hurts/punishes me with words because he knows it bothers me.
No our kids were NOT around of course he would not talk that way in front of them.
I have in our relationship been the one to bend and give and adapt to keep him happy. BUT it is NEVER enough if I get one thing like he wants I get 10 other things wrong. If I clean the house while he is outside working in the yard which is his obsession he will come in and never complain, but if he is in the house I can't even wipe the counters off right, pull the paper towels off right, cut the sink off right. He corrects my every move he constantly criticizes me. Yet I feel like I'm the only one trying to keep the peace and make things work. Both of my older children are honor roll students without being pushed to be.. yet he punishes them for little stuff ALL the time. If they lean on a wall or get crumbs in the KITCHEN floor while eating. INSIDE the house we are miserable. Yet the next day he will be throwing ball with the kids and he doesn't miss a football or softball game of theirs. If there is a chance your pants touch the ground you have to roll your pants up before entering the house. You can't touch the counter with your "dirt clothes" when you wash your hands. Or... you get yelled at and the MOM has to wipe everything down.
He tells me what he wants done in the house. My daughter cant even take her book bag to her room she has to leave it in the mudroom as you walk in our back door. My 16year old son can not fix his own drink because my husband believes he will go into the refrigerator without washing his hands... I am responsible for almost everything in the house from chores to fixing the children's drink. At night the kids will walk into the kitchen to ask a question and he jumps them telling them your mom is busy don't come in here worrying her with a million questions. I feel so bad for them because much like me they have developed a LOVE/HATE feeling for him. They can't even talk at the dinner table "to much" which is when he says be quite. I just don't know what to do.... Some structure is great for the kids, and I hate the thought of being a single mom of now 3 kids. But at the same time I find myself walking into the other room as he is telling me what I'm "doing wrong and how sorry I am" and whispering I just want out!!! When I defend myself or the kids I'm "disrespecting him" or "running my mouth" as he puts it. And then when I find myself feeling strong and ready to make a move without even telling him I want out, it seems like all of a sudden we have a great week or 2 with just a few hiccups. And during them moments life is WONDERFUL... And my husband not so bad, he is actually everything I could ask for!!!!
I've mentioned in a heated argument leaving and he acts at that moment like he doesn't care. I can always tell when I get the best of him or have made him question himself because he completely withdraws himself for the conversation. He'll even tell me to shut up he isn't talking to me anymore... I think what frustrates me most is his ability to hid it from the rest of the world... His parents know of course and his mom especially is always trying to convince him to seek some help. But that tends to make him mad with me especially if he thinks I told her of a situation or bad moment we had. He says I'm bad mouthing him. When things are good he is always reminding the kids and me"See if y'all just do the little things I ask you to do, we all would get along better" but if we get something actually done how he likes there seems to always be something else we get wrong. My husband knows he has issues because he will admit to OCD tendencies but never in a negative way it's more like " I know I'm OCD but I'd rather be that than as trifling as you 3 are any day!" Did I mention you can EAT off my floors! I'm soooooo lost any advice!?!?! I do love all of my husband's amazing qualities but his one flaw is the worst I believe he could have OCPD/OCD.
March 3, 2015 - 11:30amThis Comment
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