I am sad to see that so many others have had problems like I've had. I have been married for over 5 years now and I have a 4 year old little girl. We married very young, I was 19 and he was 20. But we deffinately have alot of love for each other, but life can really suck and be just nasty to you sometimes.
We have always had a good relationship, we are best friends. Before we ever got married we had sex alot, we would always joke about how we, fucked like rabbits, pardon my language please. Over the years I had increasingly gotten more and more upset and depressed about the way we were going down hill so fast. My husband became very distant from me, and our sex life started to decrease alot. He really treated me like someone that he just didn't care about, so I became more and more hurt and affected by this all the time. Even one of my friends saw the noticeable difference and was concerned about us. I was not happy at all, with anything in my life, except for my beautiful little girl.
About nine months ago, our sex life went from once a week, to once every other week, and then only once a month if lucky. For a bit over 6 months I had many sleepless nights and cried all the time while he slept peacefully beside me at night. But, one night I finally broke.
I felt complete rejection, which leads to many other bad and negative conclusions about yourself. I constantly wondered what I had done wrong, and what was wrong with me. I thought, ok who is she? Who is he seeing? I am a stay at home mom, going to college, so I stay at home all day driving myself crazy wondering, suspecting, and hating myself and my body. I personally believe that I had some kind of emotional or mental breakdown, but I'm not sure. I realized that I was finally giving up, and that no matter how much I loved him, I deserved a hell of alot better than what I was getting.
Well, I started to be fully honest with him the next day. I told him about a secret of mine, that I have some sort of intuition ability that I am having issues with, which I have never told anyone execpt him now. Ofcoarse everyone thinks your crazy or just nuts if you talk to them about being psychic and having any abilities of that nature, so I hid whatever I could about it. I had already known what he was doing and why we weren't having sex often or almost at all. I just could not stand the part about knowing what it was that he was doing, and having to know and live with the knowledge of it. I became more and more angry at him.
While I was in bed, waiting for him each night, he was in the bathroom wacking his joy stick. But the part that truly killed my self-esteem and feelings about myself, was the part about him getting off on thinking about my best friends and even my worst enemy. Also, there was a little book that I had bought many years before from a sex shop, that he was hiding in the bathroom so that he could go and masterbate to the boob pictures.
Eventually my anger grew so much, at him and myself, that I started going in the bathroom after he came out. Except I would go in there with a sharp hunting knife that belonged to him and start cutting myself. I remember just looking at myself in the mirror and wondering why I was hating on myself. I really did nothing wrong, I just loved and fought for us over and over. I suddenly could not believe what I was doing to myself, over him, a selfish jerk. And I knew that nothing like that would make me feel better, or my situation any better. I was tired of just laying there curled up into a ball, crying each night. I finally wanted to stand up for myself, and take charge of my own life. So I put the knife away, and I never did it again.
The next day, I confronted him about it all. After he lied and lied for quite a while, and made swears after swears on anything and everything, he finally confessed to some of his sins. He had lied and lied to me for the whole existance of our relationship. He had a really bad lusty crush on the girl that I call my enemy and he also made out with her, while we were together, and he had really bad crushes and things for some of my friends. He was finally showing me the real side of him. He eventually became really angry with me, and started to yell and shout for no reason. Now he says that he acted that way out of guilt. After a short seperation, we tried to work through the mess of hurt and disappointment.
He agreed to stop all of his daily masturbating sessions and playing with himself, and to turn his direct attention to his willing and faithful wife(me). Now we have sex every other day mostly. But of coarse I still worry about him getting bored quickly again, and his lustiness for all of these other chicks. My self esteem is still gone, and I have even found myself considering a boob job, just to try and keep his attention and feel wanted by him. I know how bad that is ,and sounds, but it's because my husband is very much a boob man. He admits to it very forwardly too, and any pics he gets off to has to have a nice big big set of them. To make it worse every one of the girls that he lusts after and crushes on, all have really big boobs.
I am trying to be very honest with you, and let you see just how far, I realized, I was willing to go for him. So I obviously love him alot. However, I know that I have to relearn to love myself again (for exactly and naturally who I am) and then I will be able to try and rebuild my self esteen and confidence. This also shows just how badly having very low self-esteem can really get to you. It is honestly going to take me a long time to learn to trust him again, and regain self-esteem and confidence.
While we are still in the day to day process right now, everything is going better, but I still have to remind myself daily that I am still doing everything that I can to fight and make it all work. I hope we work out great, but remember if the worst happens, you are strong and beautiful and can handle anything. I am hoping that this can somehow help someone. Best Wishes and Good Luck.
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I am sad to see that so many others have had problems like I've had. I have been married for over 5 years now and I have a 4 year old little girl. We married very young, I was 19 and he was 20. But we deffinately have alot of love for each other, but life can really suck and be just nasty to you sometimes.
May 19, 2010 - 3:02amWe have always had a good relationship, we are best friends. Before we ever got married we had sex alot, we would always joke about how we, fucked like rabbits, pardon my language please. Over the years I had increasingly gotten more and more upset and depressed about the way we were going down hill so fast. My husband became very distant from me, and our sex life started to decrease alot. He really treated me like someone that he just didn't care about, so I became more and more hurt and affected by this all the time. Even one of my friends saw the noticeable difference and was concerned about us. I was not happy at all, with anything in my life, except for my beautiful little girl.
About nine months ago, our sex life went from once a week, to once every other week, and then only once a month if lucky. For a bit over 6 months I had many sleepless nights and cried all the time while he slept peacefully beside me at night. But, one night I finally broke.
I felt complete rejection, which leads to many other bad and negative conclusions about yourself. I constantly wondered what I had done wrong, and what was wrong with me. I thought, ok who is she? Who is he seeing? I am a stay at home mom, going to college, so I stay at home all day driving myself crazy wondering, suspecting, and hating myself and my body. I personally believe that I had some kind of emotional or mental breakdown, but I'm not sure. I realized that I was finally giving up, and that no matter how much I loved him, I deserved a hell of alot better than what I was getting.
Well, I started to be fully honest with him the next day. I told him about a secret of mine, that I have some sort of intuition ability that I am having issues with, which I have never told anyone execpt him now. Ofcoarse everyone thinks your crazy or just nuts if you talk to them about being psychic and having any abilities of that nature, so I hid whatever I could about it. I had already known what he was doing and why we weren't having sex often or almost at all. I just could not stand the part about knowing what it was that he was doing, and having to know and live with the knowledge of it. I became more and more angry at him.
While I was in bed, waiting for him each night, he was in the bathroom wacking his joy stick. But the part that truly killed my self-esteem and feelings about myself, was the part about him getting off on thinking about my best friends and even my worst enemy. Also, there was a little book that I had bought many years before from a sex shop, that he was hiding in the bathroom so that he could go and masterbate to the boob pictures.
Eventually my anger grew so much, at him and myself, that I started going in the bathroom after he came out. Except I would go in there with a sharp hunting knife that belonged to him and start cutting myself. I remember just looking at myself in the mirror and wondering why I was hating on myself. I really did nothing wrong, I just loved and fought for us over and over. I suddenly could not believe what I was doing to myself, over him, a selfish jerk. And I knew that nothing like that would make me feel better, or my situation any better. I was tired of just laying there curled up into a ball, crying each night. I finally wanted to stand up for myself, and take charge of my own life. So I put the knife away, and I never did it again.
The next day, I confronted him about it all. After he lied and lied for quite a while, and made swears after swears on anything and everything, he finally confessed to some of his sins. He had lied and lied to me for the whole existance of our relationship. He had a really bad lusty crush on the girl that I call my enemy and he also made out with her, while we were together, and he had really bad crushes and things for some of my friends. He was finally showing me the real side of him. He eventually became really angry with me, and started to yell and shout for no reason. Now he says that he acted that way out of guilt. After a short seperation, we tried to work through the mess of hurt and disappointment.
He agreed to stop all of his daily masturbating sessions and playing with himself, and to turn his direct attention to his willing and faithful wife(me). Now we have sex every other day mostly. But of coarse I still worry about him getting bored quickly again, and his lustiness for all of these other chicks. My self esteem is still gone, and I have even found myself considering a boob job, just to try and keep his attention and feel wanted by him. I know how bad that is ,and sounds, but it's because my husband is very much a boob man. He admits to it very forwardly too, and any pics he gets off to has to have a nice big big set of them. To make it worse every one of the girls that he lusts after and crushes on, all have really big boobs.
I am trying to be very honest with you, and let you see just how far, I realized, I was willing to go for him. So I obviously love him alot. However, I know that I have to relearn to love myself again (for exactly and naturally who I am) and then I will be able to try and rebuild my self esteen and confidence. This also shows just how badly having very low self-esteem can really get to you. It is honestly going to take me a long time to learn to trust him again, and regain self-esteem and confidence.
While we are still in the day to day process right now, everything is going better, but I still have to remind myself daily that I am still doing everything that I can to fight and make it all work. I hope we work out great, but remember if the worst happens, you are strong and beautiful and can handle anything. I am hoping that this can somehow help someone. Best Wishes and Good Luck.
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