My answer may surprise you. But I like an adult who believes he should be able to take care of himself, and I certainly wouldn't push him to let you solve his financial problems. He doesn't want to be indebted to you, and he's smart to feel that way.
And while you are generous, you need to resist the urge to "fix" his problem. It can start a pattern of fixing others' problems that is very, very hard to undo. And in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, it can make the relationship imbalanced. For instance, what if you help him out with the rent and he plans to pay you back but then he goes out with friends and spends some money before paying you back? It puts you in the position of almost being a parent to him. And that's never a good idea.
I realize that the sexual aspect of this is really frustrating you. And you're right, financial problems can be a real libido-killer. But bailing him out probably won't help you in the bedroom, either, because it will make him feel like you think he can't solve problems on his own.
What is he doing to try to earn money for the rent? Does he have a job?
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Hi, Sarahuwec,
My answer may surprise you. But I like an adult who believes he should be able to take care of himself, and I certainly wouldn't push him to let you solve his financial problems. He doesn't want to be indebted to you, and he's smart to feel that way.
And while you are generous, you need to resist the urge to "fix" his problem. It can start a pattern of fixing others' problems that is very, very hard to undo. And in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, it can make the relationship imbalanced. For instance, what if you help him out with the rent and he plans to pay you back but then he goes out with friends and spends some money before paying you back? It puts you in the position of almost being a parent to him. And that's never a good idea.
I realize that the sexual aspect of this is really frustrating you. And you're right, financial problems can be a real libido-killer. But bailing him out probably won't help you in the bedroom, either, because it will make him feel like you think he can't solve problems on his own.
What is he doing to try to earn money for the rent? Does he have a job?
May 12, 2010 - 8:43amThis Comment
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