You need to talk with your boyfriend about this, and soon. The problem won't "fix itself," unless you can look at his life and know that it's because of an incredibly busy new schedule, or something like that.
The first four months you were together, everything was brand new and exciting. The two-week holidays you spent together were exciting as well -- you had not seen each other for three months, and were both anticipating being together as something very special and yearned-for.
But that's not the only reason that those two-week holidays were different from life now. The other reason they were different is because during those two weeks, each of you probably put aside some "routine" parts of life in order to be with one another, go out together, enjoy one another's company, and have sex. Maybe there were days taken off work. Maybe the laundry and dishes waited for a few days. Maybe you both stayed up later, or cuddled longer in the morning. My point is that you each changed your lives during those two weeks in order to devote time to the relationship.
Now, five months after moving in together, here's the deal: the relationship lives in and among the daily and weekly routines. Your time for the relationship is no longer segregated from your time for all the other many things in your lives. It is woven in among jobs, friends, family, laundry, groceries and so on. If someone is tired, sex can wait -- because there's tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that (which isn't the case on a limited holiday. On a holiday, the attitude is sex now! sleep later!)
You used to put your lives somewhat on hold to be with each other. Now you each have 24/7 lives AND your relationship. You're just having some trouble integrating the two.
Please talk to your boyfriend about this. Choose a totally non-threatening time; a sunny Saturday lunch, for instance (and nowhere near the bedroom!). If you are feeling such things as "I don't want to break up with him, but I can't stay in this relationship," and "I feel so very confused, disappointed, hurt, rejected, unimportant and will need to take action soon," then it's past time for you to talk.
The two of you are together in this now. He may have some concerns too, and isn't sharing them with you yet because he's not sure how it will go. Be honest -- but kind -- and see if you can make some progress here before this gets any worse.
Comment Reply
Anon,
You need to talk with your boyfriend about this, and soon. The problem won't "fix itself," unless you can look at his life and know that it's because of an incredibly busy new schedule, or something like that.
The first four months you were together, everything was brand new and exciting. The two-week holidays you spent together were exciting as well -- you had not seen each other for three months, and were both anticipating being together as something very special and yearned-for.
But that's not the only reason that those two-week holidays were different from life now. The other reason they were different is because during those two weeks, each of you probably put aside some "routine" parts of life in order to be with one another, go out together, enjoy one another's company, and have sex. Maybe there were days taken off work. Maybe the laundry and dishes waited for a few days. Maybe you both stayed up later, or cuddled longer in the morning. My point is that you each changed your lives during those two weeks in order to devote time to the relationship.
Now, five months after moving in together, here's the deal: the relationship lives in and among the daily and weekly routines. Your time for the relationship is no longer segregated from your time for all the other many things in your lives. It is woven in among jobs, friends, family, laundry, groceries and so on. If someone is tired, sex can wait -- because there's tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that (which isn't the case on a limited holiday. On a holiday, the attitude is sex now! sleep later!)
You used to put your lives somewhat on hold to be with each other. Now you each have 24/7 lives AND your relationship. You're just having some trouble integrating the two.
Please talk to your boyfriend about this. Choose a totally non-threatening time; a sunny Saturday lunch, for instance (and nowhere near the bedroom!). If you are feeling such things as "I don't want to break up with him, but I can't stay in this relationship," and "I feel so very confused, disappointed, hurt, rejected, unimportant and will need to take action soon," then it's past time for you to talk.
The two of you are together in this now. He may have some concerns too, and isn't sharing them with you yet because he's not sure how it will go. Be honest -- but kind -- and see if you can make some progress here before this gets any worse.
Will you come back and update us?
October 19, 2009 - 9:20amThis Comment
Reply