I can relate on so many levels....I have been married to my soul mate for 18 years, and while soul mate sounds enduring, it is a choice also. I love my husbands on levels I did not know where possible. He became ill with a chemical induced lung disease 3 years into our marriage and here we are 15 years later. We have worked through the difficult stage that you speak about, but it is very fresh in my mind. First, let me tell you that his obsession with your finances is a way for him to have "control" of something and it is important that he can do this because he can't control his health. The difference in our relationship is that I am the one that is constantly going over our budget. It is a false sense of control, but it is just that. When you say he is angry and you don't think he even likes you anymore, you could not be further from the truth! This is his way of trying to push you away to protect you, because his love is so deep for you. He is angry that he is helpless in this situation and can not control it. It is a way of detaching himself from those he loves so he doesn't feel guilty for being sick. There are so many emotions that go on in both our your minds. We did go to counseling for 3 years when we were about 2 years into the illness. You both need to learn to look at what he can do, be however little it is and STOP looking at what he can't do! I just to feel sorry for my three kids because when my husband was healthy he was always out doors and active and playing or fishing or hunting. I wanted him to share those things with my kids because I am more of the indoorsy if you will...lol We were so wrapped up with feeling sorry for ourselves for so long that we missed out on years of happy memories. Now we are trying to make up for that time. We play board games, sometime just me and him. We remember silly stupid stories and tell them over and over again and laugh at them over and over again. We make new memories and me are grateful for every day we still have him with us to make more memories. It is so difficult to watch him suffer and so much more difficult to not be able to help him in some ways, but that is where I am continueously learning to accept what I can not change and concentrate on what I can change. My prayers are with you as I know that the cross you carry is very heavy! the mourning cycle is a mean one and one you will continueously go through until he after he passes. Know that he is going through mourning also....he is mourning his health. There are stages in mourning and some of the stages are visited over again. It is part of accepting and healing and that biggest part of that is allowing each other to hurt! Share your hurt. You are in my prayers. I don't know what you have decided, but I know your decision is a very difficult one that takes lots of soul searching. It can get better. Maybe you need a new or different counselor! Hang in there and know that you are NOT ALONE!
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I can relate on so many levels....I have been married to my soul mate for 18 years, and while soul mate sounds enduring, it is a choice also. I love my husbands on levels I did not know where possible. He became ill with a chemical induced lung disease 3 years into our marriage and here we are 15 years later. We have worked through the difficult stage that you speak about, but it is very fresh in my mind. First, let me tell you that his obsession with your finances is a way for him to have "control" of something and it is important that he can do this because he can't control his health. The difference in our relationship is that I am the one that is constantly going over our budget. It is a false sense of control, but it is just that. When you say he is angry and you don't think he even likes you anymore, you could not be further from the truth! This is his way of trying to push you away to protect you, because his love is so deep for you. He is angry that he is helpless in this situation and can not control it. It is a way of detaching himself from those he loves so he doesn't feel guilty for being sick. There are so many emotions that go on in both our your minds. We did go to counseling for 3 years when we were about 2 years into the illness. You both need to learn to look at what he can do, be however little it is and STOP looking at what he can't do! I just to feel sorry for my three kids because when my husband was healthy he was always out doors and active and playing or fishing or hunting. I wanted him to share those things with my kids because I am more of the indoorsy if you will...lol We were so wrapped up with feeling sorry for ourselves for so long that we missed out on years of happy memories. Now we are trying to make up for that time. We play board games, sometime just me and him. We remember silly stupid stories and tell them over and over again and laugh at them over and over again. We make new memories and me are grateful for every day we still have him with us to make more memories. It is so difficult to watch him suffer and so much more difficult to not be able to help him in some ways, but that is where I am continueously learning to accept what I can not change and concentrate on what I can change. My prayers are with you as I know that the cross you carry is very heavy! the mourning cycle is a mean one and one you will continueously go through until he after he passes. Know that he is going through mourning also....he is mourning his health. There are stages in mourning and some of the stages are visited over again. It is part of accepting and healing and that biggest part of that is allowing each other to hurt! Share your hurt. You are in my prayers. I don't know what you have decided, but I know your decision is a very difficult one that takes lots of soul searching. It can get better. Maybe you need a new or different counselor! Hang in there and know that you are NOT ALONE!
July 3, 2009 - 8:29pmThis Comment
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