Hi Anonymous, you made an heroic and admirable decision when you were very young. Guessing the relationship more enjoyable back then than it is now? I know a couple - he has cerebral palsy; he's functional, but he has loads of physical issues. They have been married long - three grown children, several grandchildren. So such a marriage is possible. They are both wonderful people. I'm assuming they are wonderful to each other as well, or the marriage could not have lasted this long.
"my husband is a nice guy, but we have had our share of fights / arguments." - take it from a married person, "fights/arguments" seem to be part of the deal. The question is do the conflicts bring out fundamental incompatibilities? Is he simply mean/abusive towards you? Or are the "fights/arguments" the result of disagreements in certain situations? If there are children, the decision is even more difficult (speaking from personal experience! :-)). Do the issues arise from his illness, or from a basic incompatibility (you were young when you got married, you've both probably changed over 3 years - again, speaking from personal experience). In terms of whether to leave a sick spouse or not, the question I am grappling with myself is: am I capable of the unconditional love promised during the marriage ceremony (unless I misunderstood the vows, this is what I promised ;-)). The answer for me is No, I am not capable of the unconditional love . I guess I'm not Jesus Christ (not even close)! But it's hard as hell to leave a sick person even if they are abusive. For me, it's about whether you are being actively hurt by his behavior (words, deeds), and whether the hurt is bad enough that leaving is justified. Providing this forum with examples of situations in which you felt you were left with the short end would help get you some perspective. (That's what I'm hoping for from the folks in this chat.) Sorry if I have not been much help above, but it's a situation I can relate to, and can give you a guy's perspective on.
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Hi Anonymous, you made an heroic and admirable decision when you were very young. Guessing the relationship more enjoyable back then than it is now? I know a couple - he has cerebral palsy; he's functional, but he has loads of physical issues. They have been married long - three grown children, several grandchildren. So such a marriage is possible. They are both wonderful people. I'm assuming they are wonderful to each other as well, or the marriage could not have lasted this long.
March 19, 2013 - 3:40pm"my husband is a nice guy, but we have had our share of fights / arguments." - take it from a married person, "fights/arguments" seem to be part of the deal. The question is do the conflicts bring out fundamental incompatibilities? Is he simply mean/abusive towards you? Or are the "fights/arguments" the result of disagreements in certain situations? If there are children, the decision is even more difficult (speaking from personal experience! :-)). Do the issues arise from his illness, or from a basic incompatibility (you were young when you got married, you've both probably changed over 3 years - again, speaking from personal experience). In terms of whether to leave a sick spouse or not, the question I am grappling with myself is: am I capable of the unconditional love promised during the marriage ceremony (unless I misunderstood the vows, this is what I promised ;-)). The answer for me is No, I am not capable of the unconditional love . I guess I'm not Jesus Christ (not even close)! But it's hard as hell to leave a sick person even if they are abusive. For me, it's about whether you are being actively hurt by his behavior (words, deeds), and whether the hurt is bad enough that leaving is justified. Providing this forum with examples of situations in which you felt you were left with the short end would help get you some perspective. (That's what I'm hoping for from the folks in this chat.) Sorry if I have not been much help above, but it's a situation I can relate to, and can give you a guy's perspective on.
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